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Midway through my last drink I felt my body growing intensely warm as Vaughn and I continued our conversation. Although he was short on words, when he spoke I couldn’t help but pay attention to everything he said. It turns out that Vaughn had been separated a year from his now ex-boyfriend of four years. Same old story... boy meets boy, boy falls in love with boy, boy gets bored with boy, boy cheats on boy and finally boy breaks up with boy, Vaughn being the boy that got his heart broken. Immediately I empathized with his story. I personally wasn’t on the market to date seriously, and had resorted to bed hopping since most brothers I met were more talk than substance. So stories of love on the rocks were of particular interest to me because in my mind, it confirmed that relationships were fleeting and ultimately a waste of time.

“So what are you looking for now?” I asked Vaughn, attempting to lighten the mood and get a feel if he was about ‘substance’ or simply ‘sexual sustenance.’
“I wouldn’t mind having a fine chocolate brother on my arm.”
“I’m a chocolate brother.”
“You are that – Choc!”
“Choc… I can get used to that. I have to come up with a nickname for you.”
“You can call me Mr. Walker until we get to know each other a little bit better,” he joked.
“I like that – a man with a sense of humor.”
“To be honest though – what I’m really looking for is just to have some fun. I spent four years of my life worrying about being a perfect boyfriend and that didn’t work out too well for me. So now I just want to enjoy my life.”
“And you should. Here’s to the New Year!” I said, certain Vaughn was another casualty of ‘substance’ turned ‘sexual sustenance,’ and therefore attainable. He was sure to be in my bed before the crack of dawn. We raised our glasses and toasted to what I foresaw as a night to remember.
“Here’s to having a good time in New York!” said Vaughn, as he casually rested his hand on my thigh.

The alluring rhythm of reggae music enticed the four of us onto the crowded dance floor, and I felt as if there were a traveling spotlight overhead. Perhaps it was just in my mind, but it felt like we were on display for the intoxicated crowd of gay brothers to gaze and gawk over. I loved the attention, but kept focused on my current conquest, which had me conjuring up thoughts of how intense our sex would be. Vaughn and Luis danced together while Gabe and I sandwiched them in an engaged foursome on the dance floor. I loved reggae because it encouraged the body to give into its wanton desires and leave all inhibitions behind. My string of Hennessy cocktails for the night definitely had me feeling more aggressively flirtatious towards him. I found my hands traveling along Vaughn’s body like an animal on the prowl. His lean and tight build felt smooth as hardened clay as I pressed closely up against him. I rested my chin against the rear part of his shoulder while he cocked his head next to mine. It felt good being this close and connected to another human being. My eyes were shut and I could only feel the beat of my heart along with Vaughn’s as they both raced towards what seemed like a far away finish line.

“You feel so good to me,” I whispered in his ear.
“You feel better,” he whispered back to me.
“Gentlemen we are down to the last ten seconds of the year! So I suggest you grab the one you’re with…, or the one you want to be with…, or the one you want to be getting with and count it down with me as we bring in the New Year!” announced DJ Izzy who was always manning the turntables at Stan’s parties.

This was one of those moments that I didn’t want to end. If I could bottle up the feeling and save it for another night, I would. I opened my eyes just to make sure Vaughn was real and not just a figment of my intoxicated imagination.

“Ten…, nine…, eight…”

I could see him and smell him and touch him so it had to be real. However the entire room around me was becoming blurred and distorted, like it would look through an apartment door peephole with Vaseline smeared over it. I heard a thunderous chant of voices murmuring a loud and drawn out countdown that I couldn’t keep in rhythm with.

“Seven…, six…, five…”

I could see Gabe and Luis in front of us, but even they seemed hazy and distant. The music’s tempo seemed to slow down, and the lyrics were slurred beyond recognition. I felt flush, feverishly cold and agitatedly hot at the same time. My body felt twice as heavy and I knew something wasn’t right with me. My grip on Vaughn was weakening and I felt him slipping out of my hands. I was officially drunk.

“Four…, three…, two…, one… Happy New Year!!!”